this is very important

nesting.

2011-12-23T12:33:00.000-08:00

the nursery is ready! invisible zippers have been conquered. butterflies have been painted. mary blair illustrations have been hung. cushions covered. and a musical pink puppy has played lullabies while the night light glowed—just for practice. now for our little one to arrive!

crib skirt and sheet sewn by my mom!

rocking chair i covered with leftover crib skirt fabric.

pages from ruth krauss' i can fly, illustrated by mary blair.

boppy pillow cover, my first time sewing with amy butler fabric! and doing an invisible zipper on my own.

nursing cover, fabric also amy butler.

and new pillows for our living room couch! also with invisible zippers, woohoo. dobe decided the brown ruffled ones i made last year were too tasty.

riadosa

2011-09-10T18:50:00.000-07:00

courtesy of Steven R. Shook Collection

southwest summer
came and went
as i sold
or tried to sell
lying art
to oil rich texans
who only came to look

the hanging of the palms.

2011-04-17T14:21:00.000-07:00

last year, i saved the fronds from palm sunday. hung them in our crucifix in our old home. which you can see here. it was sort of a continuation of a tradition i remember my parents doing. except theirs was a frond woven into a cross. and my mom or my dad tucked it behind the crucifix leading into our home. and there it hung. and dried. for as long as i can remember.

last year we were still living in iowa. but last palm sunday we happened to be visiting here. new mexico. and after the service, we were handed fronds. i tucked them carefully into our suitcase. saving them. we didn't know if we would move. but i knew i wanted fronds. neither of our churches in iowa handed them out. and i think it's a lovely image. helps you to remember.

so this sunday, here we are. in new mexico. at that same church. who knew. once again, we were handed fronds. once again, i carefully saved them. once again, i tucked them into our crucifix. i took down the old, and hung the new. to remind me of he who is making all things new.

hosanna. 'save now.'

'i am become death, the destroyer of worlds.'

2011-04-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

j. robert oppenheimer c. 1946 by Ed Westcott

i was nervous to visit trinity site. where the world's first atomic bomb was tested. not for the radiation. surprisingly, it would be minimal. less than a round-trip flight cross the us. less than i get living year-round in our adobe. surely less than my microwave pumps out when i nuke my tea.

maybe i shouldn't say nuke.

i was nervous because i didn't know how i'd react. i was compelled. am compelled. to visit sites of destruction. to remember. to reflect. it's why i went to oswiecim/auschwitz. it's why i went to minidoka. it's why i planned my sister's trip to nm solely around one of only two days trinity site is open every year.

my sister wanted to go because it was a vast achievement in science. i wanted to go because i thought i might cry.

i don't know much about wwii (or the great war, or the cold war, or vietnam, or anything really). i don't think many my age do. all my history classes seemed to stop just after the industrial revolution. you think i'm joking. one class covered them all. one. and with my memory that basically means i never heard it before.

then again. i never read anything on my own.

so i attempted 'the' history about the atomic bomb before we went to trinity. i failed. instead, i watched a bbc film on oppenheimer. my dad recommended it. my dad who worked at hanford. yes that hanford. no not then. it's a fine film. though seemed most of the actors were stage-trained. or the screenwriters were. i can't decide. and then there was sam waterston, who played oppie. aka that one guy from law & order. he was amazing.

and then there was that scene. that scene. july 16 1945. oppenheimer stands in the predawn, a distance from the test. as 'the gadget's' chain reaction produces light and heat equal to the sun, he recites from the bhagavad gita—

via

'now, i am become death, the destroyer of worlds.'

cinematographic finesse. i fell over five times.

and it all became a lot to think about. it's always been a lot to think about.

in the bbc film, it seems the manhattan project started out exciting. the scientists were creating what was once theory. forging new science. new science. fall over. then, as the war continued, it seems to hit them. this is what they're doing. wait. this is what they're doing. wait. this is what they've done.

the bomb was needed to end the war, this is what i hear. the second bomb was not needed to end the war, this is also what i hear.

trinity site obelisk national historic landmark by Samat Jain

scores of people were at trinity. just. scores. college students filming videos. babies in strollers. couples walking dogs. everyone searching for trinitite. everyone smiling for photos in front of the obelisk at ground zero. everyone buying shirts and bottles printed with that mushroom cloud. everyone eating lunch. everyone having a good time. everyone walking around like this wasn't something super super fall over important and shouldn't they be meditating anyway.

it was eery. it reminded me of when i was at auschwitz and schoolchildren were running around outside laughing. just steps from the work-will-make-you-free gate. i wanted to shake them all into solemnity.

and then i bought a patch. and then i posed in jumbo. and then i searched for trinitite. and then i smiled. and then i ate fruit leather. and then i was happy about something. probably about being in the desert in the sunshine.

what was wrong with me? why didn't someone shake me?

maybe i wanted some kind of ceremony. some kind of liturgy. some kind of wailing. some kind of promise. but it didn't happen.

but it. the creation of destruction.

but it did happen.

on bus to nearby schmidt/mcdonald ranch house, where the core was assembled

happiness . . . is another warm puppy.

2011-03-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

i work next door to a starbucks. no, *literally* next door to a starbucks. read: pocketbook danger. but going to the coffee siren one morning before work brought something even better than a tall pike's place with half-n-half . . . dobe ("dough-bee") our second pup. a woman who works at the caffeine giant brought the last of her half-pit-half-lab's litter to show her coworkers outside her work. and i can never pass the opportunity to pet a puppy. especially a chocolate lab. (technically she's 3/4 lab and 1/4 pit, her poppa was a purebred.) so when i found out the little chocolate angel was a she, was available for sale AND had mild mannered parents, i nearly flipped. like, flipped OUT. i called ben 10 minutes later. "go for it," the best-husband-in-the-world-ever-ever-ever said. yesssssssss! i may have jumped up and down and squealed. what?

and so, we are now a two-dog household. (as opposed to a three dog night.) i am happy. so happy. *sigh.* i love having two dogs. never thought i would have twins. (hey, the little prophet never predicted a second puppy.) but i love it. LOVE IT.

coco now has a playmate. and a sister in crime. AWE-SOME. now we just have to explain, yes, the caramel colored dog is named coco, and yes, the chocolate colored dog is named dobe. funny.

also, i now have a dog that sleeps on my feet. not at my feet, ON them. though coco is fall over beautiful and will always be special because of how god gave her to me (yes god gave her to me), she never slept on my feet. OH, HOW I LOVE THIS.

alright, so i've become the crazy dog lady. deal with it.

but seriously, we're stopping at two. seriously.

yes, she sleeps with hello kitty. 'course!

chiaroscuro puppy! she posed herself in the light. i looked down and BAM it was carravaggio's 'calling of st matthew.'

sewing a soon-to-be-revealed project.

make art make.

2011-01-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

our fall-over-sleep-under-a-joshua-tree campsite at joshua tree nat'l park. yes, it was legal.

during our grand tour of four california national parks this summer, one of our stops was joshua tree. now, i previously gushed about how i love everything desert. but ben had a different take.

he loved how the trees got their name. legend has it mormon immigrants thought the yucca's limbs resembled joshua's arms raised toward heaven. while we are NOT mormon (we are christian—they are NOT the same thing), ben appreciated how the immigrants' minds were so god-focused, they gave the plant a biblical name.

later, he went on to name sequoias something from revelation.

for our anniversary, ben and i go all out on presents. since it's so close to xmas, we usually forgo gifts for dec 25 and save up for jan 7. i knew he really wanted this book, so that was easy. then i decided to finally print our wedding pictures to fill a collage frame (let's all shake our heads together that it took so long). but what else? for fun, i googled the traditional and modern anniversary gifts. (sidenote: the traditional present for the first anniversary is paper—so my mom, creative genius that she is, sent us origami paper that year. SO COOL!) well, for the fifth, the modern present was silverware. BORING. "here, honey, eat with these." plus, we already have a beautiful set from my grandparents. but the traditional gift for the fifth? WOOD. perfect.

i knew just what to make. i spotted this last fall, and filed it as to-do-someday (along with 7.2 billion other projects).

for my take, i inverted the colors—ivory to warm black. also, i used some found weather-beaten pallets instead of wood flooring.

my dad would be happy—i even got to buy a new tool. my very own x-acto knife. (actually it's a stanley, but whatevs. it's like kleenex. everything's kleenex even if you use puffs with lotion. like i do. because my nose is delicate. stop laughing.)

i was incredibly happy with the outcome. ben was, too. gotta love a man who likes his art rustic.

soon, we'll bring it in from outside (joke) and hang in our freshly painted medium taupe brown living room. very excited.

and what did ben get me? peach roses, a cinnabon breakfast in bed, the killers live from albert hall dvd&cd and the entire border trilogy by cormac mccarthy, neatly bound in one swanky volume. with its own attached ribbon bookmark. (it's own attached ribbon bookmark!)

i'm in love.

we are now in the golden land.

2011-01-15T15:04:00.000-08:00

image by TheVoiceThatSaid

ben and i celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary on jan 7. how fun to reach a landmark number! how did i know it was a landmark number? well, because card makers sell special "fifth anniversary" cards, that's why. but in all seriousness, it's been a good five years. it started out pretty rough (starting life together on a reservation far from home and friends can do that to ya) but we've gone through much and are currently in our honeymoon phase. yes, it took four years to get there. but i'd trade a rough four-year start for (god willing) 60 more years of fun with your best friend.

the lead image sums it up pretty well. i never knew marriage could be this nice. or maybe i did—on jan 6 2006. but real life hits and sometimes it hits hard. i remember when ben and i were dating in college. my dad was talking to me, and made a comment about how "didn't we feel like we could change the world?" i remember thinking, "wait—that goes away?" and it does, for a time. but it returns, in a subtler, richer way.

ben and i have a friend who's in college right now. and he's questioning everything. i love people who question everything. and i loved my own season of questioning in college. what made it all the more interesting (and i say interesting in a slow voice) was that my own season collided with the toughest years of my marriage. yes. very interesting.

i was married for 2-1/2 of my college years. it was tough. i got lots of flack from students for being "so young." blah blah blah. i felt some were standoffish because i was "that married woman." i remember being angry when my friends and acquaintances saw me, the question was never "how is your art?" or "how is your faith?" it was always, always "how is married life?" i was pegged. and i hate pegs. like how here animal shelters and free puppy givers are prejudiced against us because we live on the reservation. surely a puppy can't be safe on reservation. (have you met my happy, healthy dog?) frankly, i care less if people think i'm crazy because i live on a reservation. i really. don't. care. but i am offended when people assume it makes me a bad puppy parent. just like how i was offended when i was treated as the "other" in college. just for choosing my mate "early."

but i have zero regrets. none. while ben and i had some really dark years, we are now in the light. i say that in the full spiritual and emotional sense. we have come to the other side, and it is very, very beautiful.

i love you, my best friend.

taken 3 aug 2010 at the jefferson nat'l expansion memorial (aka st louis arch)

o come, o come, emmanuel.

2010-12-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

o come, o come, emmanuel,
and ransom captive israel
that mourns in lonely exile here
until the son of god appear.

rejoice! rejoice! emmanuel
shall come to thee, o israel.

o come, thou dayspring, come and cheer
our spirits by thine advent here;
disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
and death’s dark shadows put to flight.

rejoice! rejoice! emmanuel
shall come to thee, o israel.

o come, thou wisdom from on high,
and order all things, far and nigh;
to us the path of knowledge show,
and cause us in her ways to go.

rejoice! rejoice! emmanuel
shall come to thee, o israel.

o come, desire of nations, bind
all peoples in one heart and mind;
bid envy, strife and quarrels cease:
fill the whole world with heaven’s peace.

rejoice! rejoice! emmanuel
shall come to thee, o israel.

my favorite hymn of the holy day. i love how it combines images of christ as dawn, christ as wisdom (gr. "sophia"), christ as messiah and christ as peace.

as for the luminarias, we didn't get to see them this year. next year. a town close by lines their main street with the sand-filled paper bags, which each contain a candle. luminarias (aka farolitos, or "little fires") symbolically guide mary and joseph to bethlehem, and/or help us meditate on the coming of the christ child—the coming of emmanuel. god with us.

image via cjpalmer

just when you thought it couldn't get any better.

2010-12-24T16:18:00.000-08:00

SAGUARO GINGERBREAD!

my friend, linda, let me borrow her cactus cookie cutter. originally i stopped at her house to borrow a gingerwoman, as i only have gingermen. though she had none, I FOUND THE CACTUS. YES--*THE* CACTUS. and i fell over. so . . . happy . . .

i also borrowed a horse cookie cutter. this horse is wearing a pendleton blanket. i'm offended if you can't tell.

and it's also very important to make some gingerpeople happy and some gingerpeople sad, in order to accurately reflect the condition of humanity. this is very important. oh, and some must portray surprise. because those are the only three emotions anyone ever feels. ever.

i found a great gingerbread recipe if you'd like to try it. it actually tastes like gingerbread spices, not flour (fall over). and yes, i used white flour (fall over). but i omitted the pepper (stand up straight) because that's just crazy. *smile.* as for the royal icing recipe--yay for raw egg whites! i left out the lemon juice and no one died. (only had limes in the house. after careful consideration, i concluded limes were not lemons. sidenote: limes, avocados and lemons are so dang cheap here! fall over. and i can buy tamales at the gas station. did i mention i love the southwest?)

on a more serious note:

just when you thought it couldn't get any better, jesus came to earth. as a baby. in a dirty barn. to an unwed couple. from a line of sinners. god as human and god as god. i pray you can reflect on the beautiful gift of jesus as you prepare your heart for tomorrow's festivities. and i pray if you haven't yet, that you can experience god's love, grace and salvation. all you have to do is ask jesus to come into your heart. it is very easy. and he'll never say no. no matter what you've done or what has happened. this is very true.

what child is this who, laid to rest 
on mary's lap is sleeping? 
whom angels greet with anthems sweet, 
while shepherds watch are keeping?

this, this is christ the king, 
whom shepherds guard and angels sing; 
haste, haste, to bring him laud,
the babe, the son of mary.

why lies he in such mean estate, 
where ox and ass are feeding? 
good christians, fear, for sinners here 
the silent word is pleading.

nails, spear shall pierce him through, 
the cross be borne for me, for you. 
hail, hail the word made flesh,
the babe, the son of mary.

so bring him incense, gold and myrrh, 
come peasant, king to own him; 
the king of kings salvation brings,
let loving hearts enthrone him.

raise, raise a song on high,
the virgin sings her lullaby. 
joy, joy for christ is born, 
the babe, the son of mary.

"madonna and child" by parker fitzgerald and brittany richardson
2007(?)

"madonna and child: the shrimp" by eric gill
1929, wood engraving, 3.51" x 2.53"

"madonna and the pineapple harvesters" by estaba el senhor inigodeloyola
2008-09, oil on canvas

detail from "l'innocence" by william-adolphe bouguereau
1893, oil on canvas, 20.67" x 3' 3.37"

"madonna of the lilies" by william-adolphe bouguereas

"madonna and child of soweto" by larry scully
1973

"madonna and child" by marianne stokes
1907-1908, tempera on panel, 80 x 59.5 cm


"apache virgin & child" by fr. john giuliani

moonrise:sunset

2010-12-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

oh, i've wanted forever to see saguaro cacti. i had no idea i would get to see them so soon. ben and i had to travel to phoenix for his seminary stuff. of course, our first thought is to scope out all the nat'l parks along the way. does it matter that the entire 16-hour round trip, including his time in phoenix, has to be completed in 48 hours? no. nature is always worth it. especially saguaro cacti. oh my goodness. if anything, they are worth it. i still can't believe i got to see them. i don't know what it is with me and the desert. i just go crazy. i love it i love it i love it i love it i love it

you see, i thought the only place i could see saguaro cacti was at organ pipe cactus nat'l monument, in southwest arizona. in my head, the organ pipe catcus = the saguaro cactus. um, wrong. after extensive research, i realized that the saguaro catcus was really the saguaro cactus (this is highly developed thinking). and, while scoping out nps.gov for all the goodies near tucson/phoenix, i realized I COULD SEE THEM ON THIS TRIP.

basically, i fell over.

while we'll maybe go there again (are you JOKING? it's now in my OFFICIAL TOP THREE FAVORITE NAT'L PARKS OF ALL TIME along with joshua tree and death valley. of COURSE we're going back!) but on this visit, i really really really really wanted a "saguaro backlit by the sunset" shot. you know—that iconic southwest photo.

but it was mostly clear. so no crazy sunset colors. just an average backlit saguaro. i actually like my ansel adams-y b&w better (see lead photo). but something else very very special happened . . .

THE MOON ROSE AND THE SUN SET AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME.

yes. crazy. true.

we were on a short nature trail when ben and i realized what was happening.

the moon was rising between two hills just as the sun was slinking behind two others. each hill/mountain was exactly 180 degrees apart. we were flipping our heads back and forth like at a tennis match.

as the moon rose and cleared the hills, exactly 8 seconds later (ben counted), the sun set.

crazy.

and very very special.

yeah, we're going back.

thanksgiving, part deux.

2010-12-11T18:55:00.000-08:00

for some, the crowning glory of thanksgiving is the turkey. for me, it's cornbread. i love cornbread. but it can't be just any cornbread. it HAS TO BE this recipe. taken from the back of an ARGO corn meal box and altered a tad. (does ARGO even make corn meal anymore? haven't seen it in forever.)

sweet family cornbread

1 C yellow corn meal
1 C flour
1/4 C white sugar
1 T baking powder
1 t salt
1/3 C extra light (in flavor) olive oil
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 C unsweetened almond milk (such as almond breeze)

combine corn meal, flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in medium bowl. combine oil, egg and milk in small bowl; mix well. add milk mixture to flour mixture; stir until blended. pour into greased 8" square glass dish. bake at 400 degrees for 25 minutes. serve with butter and honey.

this was the first thanksgiving ben and i made the entire meal by ourselves. can you say AWESOME!? ben did the bird, his favorite carrot casserole, pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes. i did the sweet potatoes (with generous marshmallow topping), the cornbread, a pomegranate and clementine salad, my favorite cherry pie and attempted my FIRST EVER gravy.

the best part? EVERYTHING WORKED OUT BEAUTIFULLY. no smoke alarms, no half-thawed bird, no thin gravy.

i was so happy.

coco even got pan fried gizzards. how fun to finally have a pup to give those parts to.

but we didn't stop there. oh, no. we didn't stop there.

we like thanksgiving food so much we DECIDED TO MAKE IT ALL AGAIN. yup. we bought two birds when they were so cheap. so to save on our grocery bill, all we had to buy for the next two weeks after thanksgiving was . . . more sides! can you say cheap-o yum-o? of course, we are going to eat a few other things during our save money experiment. like omelets.

did i mention i like eggs?

a real heart potato

thanksgiving family portrait

happiness . . . is a warm puppy.

2010-11-24T20:28:00.000-08:00

coco came into our lives saturday, oct 16. ben's parents were visiting when ben's mom looked out the window. who was that little puppy playing with our neighbors dogs? PUPPY?! i've only wanted a puppy for 4.5 years. but with renting, no chance. once we'd moved, i'd been scouring local shelters to no avail. a to-be-determined puppy was my bday present from ben. i *thought* i wanted a chocolate female lab pup. but coco (most likely a mix of german shepherd and chow chow) was love at first sight.

as soon as we heard PUPPY, ben and i rushed outside and immediately (prob not the best idea) scooped her up and cuddled. then we coaxed her inside, we heard it's important that the first time a puppy comes into your home, she does so on her own. we soon fashioned a kennel from an overturned milk crate and plywood. she was just around 1.5 months old. how did this little pup survive outside to find her way to us? where were her sisters and brothers? her mom? dad? we'll never know. but i am convinced God gave us this dog. and i am so thankful for her.

reactions to coco have been crazy! grown men (one a stranger) have squealed, groaned and cooed upon seeing her. our friends from iowa think she's part wolf (unlikely, but sometimes she walks like a bearcub slash linebacker). she's also been bombarded on park hikes by kids and adults. ben and i believe there is something about a puppy that melts people's hearts—including ours.

a woman i met while waiting at the vet seriously choked up when she learned we had rescued coco—she was so thankful a lost puppy had found a good home. i am, too. i pray my pup lives to be 15. how cool to have this dog until i'm 40! whoa.

as for the name, well that was easy. i've known for those same 4.5 years that my next dog would be a coco (or cocoa, depending on if she was chocolate). want to hear an even stranger story? one that makes me even more convinced my dog is from God? yah, i'm crazy—i like to think that after i pray for a puppy, understand that a puppy can't make me truly happy, but God can, that God hears me and cares enough about little things like that to give me a puppy. (plus! i have two grandmothers who are convinced an angel dropped her by our house. you can't argue with grandmas.) so—rewind a few months. ben and i are visiting mescalero last spring for him to interview and for us to check the place out, make sure we want to move here. we are riding in a church van, taking elementary school kids home after a church activity. a college group also happens to be here at the same time as us, on a mission trip. i am sitting in the back of the van. in front of me is a college student and a little girl. the little girl wants the student to draw her a picture of a dog. the little girl also wants the dog to have a dog house, a food bowl and a collar. 'what should the dog's name be?' the student asks. 'cocoa,' the little girl says. now, get this: after the drawing is finished, the little girl turns around and hands me the drawing. 'this is for you,' she says.

WHAT?!

ok, stop everything and fall over three times.

THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE.

however, the little prophet might be angry when she finds out i dropped the A from coco's name. perhaps the fashion designer coco chanel and/or the lack of overt chocolate coloring had something to do with that. maybe.

in any case, i am very blessed and very, VERY happy to have a puppy. charles schultz couldn't have said it any better.

^ the original drawing!!

land of enchantment.

2010-08-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

we made it. we're here. new mexico is now our home. so much has happened inbetween. it was the summer of vacations. not the summer of blogging. lots to catch up on. lots to document. reminisce and recall the summer of ought-ten.

'i have come to a place' —apache hymn

soon leaving.

2010-06-10T17:47:00.000-07:00

iowa has become achingly beautiful to me.
this is not a joke.
maybe it is the summer verdancy
maybe it is the sky, stretched with clouds
maybe it is the wind turbines, tall with grace
maybe it is the cows, actually grazing in a pasture (!)
maybe it is the swaying prairie, seen only near the road, her fields overtaken by corn and soy.
or maybe
it is the ache of

soon leaving

it all
behind.

girl meets helvetica.

2010-06-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

graphic designers across the globe will clutch their hearts in agony, but here is a hard truth:

i have never used helvetica.

GASP! GLASS SHATTERS! BABIES CRY! THE WORLD STOPS SPINNING FOR 1.385 NANOSECONDS!

even though it is everywhere, i never really knew about the pretty sans-serif (which was developed in 1957 by swiss typeface designer max miedinger with eduard hoffmann) until this year, when my good friend, mary, mentioned a friend from work had lent her a helvetica movie. the helvetica movie.

i never watched it. i think she did. she's a dork. i am, too.

i always knew the swiss were cool. like when b and i visited switzerland. and everything was fall-over awesome. like their trails (free!) through the mountains, which trumped nearly every national park i've ever been in. (teddy roosevelt and my state park museum curator sister, christy, whom you can also see on this blog and on OPB, i still love you.)

or when the nun who ran our immaculate and ikea-inspired catholic hotel (boarding house?) communicated to us via impromptu sign language. (we don't know german, either. sigh. but we did know what time bfast was at.)

and this is the best one: when we got a 100 swiss franc from the bank (roughly 86$ usd) and alberto giacometti's face was on it. see front and back.

(!!!)

yah, because in the US we *always* feature a artist on *our* 100 bank notes.

awesome!

so when i redesigned my blog, i ditched my arial header for, say it with me, 'HEL-VET-ICA.'

my first foray into the fontface. ieieieie! and until i learn how to do fancy things with web sites, arial will have to be body copy. (is that somehow illegal?)

now about those 100$ bills . . .

speaking of 100 dollars, i re-fixed my music player. again. manchester orchestra can now be enjoyed. including their song '100 dollars' as well as 'jimmy, he whispers.' thank you for your patience. over and out.

photo credits: pink helvetica wallpaper designed by antonio carusone, book wallpaper from i love typography and you can buy that mug here.

under construction.

2010-06-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

changes are coming! please excuse the mess.

cargan.

2010-04-29T19:36:00.000-07:00

son of kimberly and brandon. shot though it threatened to rain. shot though he threatened to cry. which he did. but we stayed dry. lovely cloud cover popped the colors. come on, summer!

office haiku.

2010-04-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

one.
incise great marks while
ruminating on a
boring country star

two.
sigh and snooze through a
drudgery day of news while
'rocket man' plays on

we are leaving/ did you hear

2010-04-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

we are leaving
did you hear?

and i will miss much when we swap the prairie for the desert
and though i will gain
now is the time
to think of all we are leaving
behind

i sat with friends today
in the basement of a church
with bright food
and bright kids
and celebrated the promise of water and love and

jesus

we're leaving
did you hear?

the chatter makes me tear and tear apart
because the chatter will never be the same again
and i, i may never be the same again

god

we're leaving
did you hear?

drove home through the fields after
passed two farm trucks
huge and intricate and lovely
and though the farmers, they plow with gps
i thought of the prairie
with her swooping hawks
and though the farmers, they use seeds they cannot save
i thought of all i have found in a land, once barren

and i will remember it all
like you
even if i am never the same again
for what will be the same again

jesus

we are leaving
did you hear?

redemption stories are the best kind.

2010-04-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

two saturdays past, i experienced two sides of christianity.
shane claiborne came to speak at my alma mater for a conference. ben and i went, not to the conference, but to all three of shane's talks. jewels of reconciliation. jewels of challenge. so many stories of reconciliation it gave me hope in humanity. and also stories of challenge. you know. what if jesus really meant all he said. and what if we, you know, did it.
after hearing shane's last talk, ben took the youth group to a casting crowns concert. i tagged along. the irony is not lost on me. to go from hearing a dreadlocked vegetarian to hearing a top 40 ccm band. to go from a simple man on a simple stage wearing clothes he sewed himself to a bedazzled light and music show complete with world vision intermission. now, i'm sure world vision is a good organization. but when they set up a booth in the merch hallway with a huge background poster of the lead singer (a white man) smiling and surrounded by black children, my stomach twists a bit. as it does when that same lead singer (during the world vision intermission) mispronounces tanzania and cracks a huge joke that he can't pronounce one of the children's names who are available for sponsorship. instead, like all good white imperialists, he gives the youth a suitable english nickname. 'M.K.' who knows what the kid's real name is. i'm sure his parents aren't happy. and i'm not either.
though it comes out later the singer is dyslexic (he admits he has all his lyrics on a monitor in front on him for the whole show, and i appreciate him being frank about this) i still question. but why not have the correct pronunciation of the child's name flashed on that screen as well? why not have another bandmate talk for world vision? or, we could just stay ethnocentric and ignorant, whatever.
my stomach also twists during some songs. sure, i may be a 'flower quickly fading' (a la ecclesiastes) but i agree with my good friend and kindred soul tarisa: if i had just had an abortion, the last thing i need to hear is what a big fat mistake it was. do we need more women bashing? really? (subtle, but it's there. i don't hear any lyrics about 'what if the fathers stayed.') also, do children really need the government to grant them the right to pray in school? or should they pray to be persecuted? and should we really 'sing until the whole world hears' or should we 'love until the whole world become so fascinated they ask us what's up'?
yes, shane had a 'merch' table outside his talks. and yes, he had books and buttons and dvds. but no pretty backgrounds surrounded by children or the prostitute he and the simple way helped. and no artsy shots of him working with mother teresa (because he did). and no shots of him peacemaking in iraq, either.* just books about being an ordinary radical. and buttons made by youth at the simple way that read 'love your enemy' and 'god bless everyone,' complete with a us flag and (former) afghanistan flag.
see, it's the top 40 ccm band's projection of christianity that i have issues with.
i'm sure others have said the same of me.
words are powerful. words are very important. they must be chosen with wisdom. with care. as i grimace at most of casting crowns' choices, i'm fascinated by shane's. and i think that's the point. it points to something bigger. something i am still trying to figure out. something, like shane said in his first talk, i am still recovering from. jesus.
what do you think?
*wow. i just realized while adding the links to this post, if you do visit shane at the simple way, you can see pictures of all this in a video about him at the bottom of the page. interesting.
oh, and i added a new playlist. scroll down to the very very bottom. manchester orchestra and i shook hands yesterday and now 'jimmy, he whispers' has been on repeat city.
edit 20 april 2010: song links fixed.
edit 6 june 2010: songs links fixed. again.

smooth.

2010-03-20T21:43:00.000-07:00

the cold season is upon us. (shouldn't it be over by now?) the changes in seasons always seem to bring sniffles, coughs and sore throats. i caught a bug last week that wasn't exactly charming. pepperminty ricolas, fizzy coke zeros and calming green tea were my drugs of choice. and smoothies. mmm. smoothies. since i recently discovered i'm lactose intolerant, i've ditched the ~~icky~~ cow milk for non-dairy milks. first try was rice milk. a generic brand, and also rice dream. both were OK--but chalky. then, ~~lured by the all-american push for protein~~, i tried the ever-applauded silk brand soy milk--the one that's supposed to taste the best. i took a sip and dumped the rest down the drain. enter almond breeze. mmm. almonds. ~~confident i'm already getting enough protein in my diet~~, [edit 11.11.10 i no longer agree with 'the china study' or any other vegan agenda. but i still love my almond milk! i also discovered my body can tolerate heavy whipping cream. ah, shucks! turns out more fat = less lactose. mmm-mm, please!] the taste won me over. i prefer it to cow milk now. it substitutes wonderfully in recipes, foams in lattes and--yah i sound like a commercial so i'm going to stop. anyway, i use it in smoothies. for my sore throat, i blended one banana, two handfuls of frozen blueberries and perhaps 1/4-1/2 cup of unsweetened almond breeze. soothed and smoothed. then the sun came out. and it was even better. come on, spring!

'coco avant chanel.'

2010-03-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

i don't know much french. i took a crash course in how to say do-you-speak-english before we went to europe two septembers ago. how embarrassing. though a woman in the metro spoke to me in french. i wish i knew what she said.
i am something of a word nerd. i get really excited when people use words like interim in regular conversation (twice!) without meaning to sound like a smarty pants. hence my goofy grin when watching 'coco' with subtitles (you have to, unless you know french) when i see 'chic' translated directly as 'chic' and learn 'chauffeur' means 'driver.' ha. i knew it meant driver. but i thought it meant a special kind of driver.
and then there were the few (four?) english words spoken by one character. i always wonder what english sounds like to nonspeakers. american-english-speakers all have their parodies of other languages. what does an english parody sound like? but those few english words, thrown amidst all that french, became pared down to their sounds—and they actually sounded kind of pretty. but it coulda been the great britain twang. ha.
'coco before chanel' was a beautiful movie. the costumes.* the shots.** the story.*** it lived up to its hype in my mind, as opposed to moon, another movie (yes, of a very different subject) that was crazy hyped in my head. but sizzled out.
*first photo for this post. says. it. all. mmm.
**mirror scene. (mirror scene!) at the end. (mirror scene!) go to here and scroll down to the last clip to see it. also, as coco cuts one of her earlier outfits in the chateau (which means 'castle!' i always thought it meant hotel. ha.) from fabric, there is something (something!) about her hand, the chalk and the fabric. another scene, i can't remember where/when, but i saw colors and i was like (!!!). guess i'll just have to watch it again. good thing, 'cause mary (who just wrote an article that got posted here) is going to be ticked when she learns i watched this without her ;].
***i'd like to learn more about coco. i love her push-the-boundaries, free-the-woman's-body, simplify-the-excessive-adornments, dress-however-she-cares outlook. ha—dare i admit this? i always thought she was a he. until a few years ago. um. maybe when i started watching antm? ha. two daring admissions. a closet antm fan. anyone have a good biography to recommend?

all images contained in this post are the property of sony pictures classics.

let's change the oil.

2010-02-27T18:30:00.000-08:00

friday was work day. ben keeps our cars in tip-top shape and the civic needed a tune-up.

i was shooting the pins from yesterday's post when he came inside.

and said with a grin, "you should blog about me changing the oil."

so we hung out in our freezing garage, complete with chair-i-may-scrap-for-its-fabric.

it was a good day.

color inspo.

2010-02-26T10:48:00.000-08:00

meals, food prep and sewing supplies have been providing much inspiration lately.
(above) perhaps for a home? perhaps for walls?
i usually don't go for primaries, but green onions, toms, an everyday food spread and rubberbands from the onions is a calming combination. and i'm a sucker for things in groups of two—they remind me of ben and me :).

these colors remind me of mastermind, a game i used to play in open door—the accelerated class for gifted students (bah-ha-ha! OK, stop laughing.). not sure yet what i'll use this palette for. but i will.

glimpses of spring.

2010-02-25T21:53:00.000-08:00

i was shooting icicles through our window when i spotted this little fella. a little red messenger, heralding spring's coming. come soon, come soon!

and another recipe first. with a nod to spring, or at least a tip-of-the-hat to the easter hare. i have never poached an egg. but the march issue of everyday food inspired me to try. the vortex trick failed. s it all in the wrist, or what? the whites basically got thrown in a tornado. ha. also, i skipped the vinegar the chowhounds seemed so keen on. i didn't want an egg salad. maybe i'm missing something. how do you poach an egg? i'd love to hear.

happy birthday, lilly.

2010-02-24T21:50:00.000-08:00

it's birthing season, methinks.

so many of our friends' kids have been celebrating milestones lately.

first birthdays

zero birthdays*

zero birthdays soon-to-come**

and fourth birthdays.

like lilly.
lilly is a gal whose curls look precious with a flower clip. her mom, my friend, kim, always seems to find the cutest bows and flowers for lilly's hair. so when we got her birthday invitation, i knew just what she—and her mom!—would like. i got a great tutorial from anniescupboard for a fabric flower clip. it's super easy to follow.
'course my growing pile of scrap fabric didn't hurt anything, either.
*zero birthday = the day a baby is born. yes. just like your nerdy math book used to start at chapter zero, so do our lives.
**zero birthday soon-to-come = if a zero birthday is the day a baby is born, then a zero birthday soon-to-come is . . . yup.

for shots of the process, anniecupboards documents it well. i used a standard-sized coffee cup for my circle pattern.
i'll leave you with the end result. which, suffice to say, i was very, very tempted to keep. i forsee my own flower clips. perhaps created with a larger cup pattern. or i'll bust out the compass. yes. i do still have it from freshman high school geometry.
and my TI-89 calculator, if you're interested.
and here's the birthday girl.

midweek party in your mouth.

2010-02-23T20:13:00.000-08:00

oh, i just came from a rejuvenating night. i've had a hard week. stress and things can add up, can't they? my good friend mary called me today at work and offered to bring fellowship and food for dinner. how could i turn her down? 'specially when its *her* food and *eric's* espresso and *their* conversation and *charming* kids. (don't read sarcasm, ya punk. that's full-blown authenticity, right there.) mmm. mary brought a spaghetti casserole, breadsticks, fresh oranges, apples and i whipped out waffle-cut carrots from a bag and chocolate cake from a box. but this was a chocolate cake creation. visions of betty crocker microwave lava cake twinkled in my eye. so i tried something new.
all that's needed to produce this glory for friends and family is a ~~trans-fatty~~ boxed cake mix a la pillsbury and a jar of ~~lactose-intolerant~~ hot fudge topping a la hershey. in-depth and highly-detailed instructions follow:
*midweek party in your mouth*
step no. one - make cake mix according to box.
step no. two - before you put cake in oven, dot copious amounts of fudge onto batter.
step no. three - cook for however long the box says. yes, it will speak to you.
after careful consultation with learn-ed culinary friends (i.e. the mary and the eric) we determined the mid-bake placing of fudge would produce a hot fudge ribbon of the betty crocker microwave persuasion. so, halfway through bake time, plop the fudge, yah?
sans mid-bake-fudge-plopping, it still was good. we ate two-thirds. there were only four ~~pretend~~ grown-ups and two kids. mmm. did i mention my night was rejuvenating? it was just what i needed. now i feel i can conquer the world. and complete a painting.
and no. it wasn't the caffeine.
s/he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

glorious meaning, spread.

2010-02-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

i was so inspired by a post by my good friend, mary, that instead of penning a long comment on her blog, i decided to write it here.
ash wednesday came and went without much pomp for me. i didn't grow up catholic. but my mom did. and we always observed lent when we were little. we'd give up things like sweets, or junk food, or pop. it was really hard. sometimes, when lent came before valentine's day, we'd declare feb. 14 a free day. and eat all the chocolate and candies. but feb. 15 brought lent back.
in college, ben and i once went to a gorgeous catholic church on ash wednesday. my favorite art prof was in the choir there. ashes were put on our foreheads. it was very important moment. to be marked.
but the ashes washed away. and it's been five years since. i wished i'd have gone to ash wednesday service yesterday. but i didn't. i'm not sure why. since i wanted to. so much. and thought about it. so much. in the days leading up to the small print on my office calendar.
one time in college, in a xian theology class, we were supposed to turn to our neighbor and ask: what was the most memorable part of your faith journey? was it someone from church (a relationship, a mentor perhaps) that mattered more? or was it a ritual, a rite?
i think i was the only in class for ritual.
my baptism and one communion stick heavy and sweet in my mind.
i was only 9 when i was baptized. when i chose to be. asked to be.
the close communion was in high school. i will always do this in remembrance of you.
it's interesting, what can be attached to ritual and what ritual can push away. for some, repetitive acts carry nothing. this is not necessarily bad. but for me, rituals carry glorious meaning, spread. something good to hold on to when times are tough. reminders of faith bloomed, shown and—if growing tired—clung to.
in that beautiful church, glowing with stained glass and fumbling over unfamiliar traditions, ashes on forehead are something good. to hold to.

mmm . . . love.

2010-02-14T14:33:00.000-08:00

in honor of valentine's day, i thought i'd pay tribute to my best friend. my husband. in one of the best ways i know how. photography.

we did a photo shoot in december. back when it was *barely* warm enough to be outside without a coat. yes, this is iowa for us. snow can be on the ground, yet it can still feel warm. if the winds-cold-enough-to-chill haven't started blowing. like they are today. ah, a blast from summer, right? these photos? mmm. love.

and then i found these.

2010-02-12T00:28:00.000-08:00

mike stimpson, can i shake your hand? stimpson (aka balakov, also here and here) crafts crazy, macro shots of lego people with humor and an amazing eye for detail. and composition. not to mention lighting. and humor. and his titles. did you read his titles. love love love! there's something about using ordinary found objects (toys!) to tell a story that really, really jives with me. when i first saw 'reconciliation' (left, green) via dbsw i laughed. loudly. and, not only does stimpson use the cast of all six 'star wars' in lego-form, he also references famous photographs and artworks using the tiny plastic figures. how many can you guess? no peeking.

you can also see how he sets up shots here.

so many. so good. i could post them all. but i'll leave you with a few for the season. patrol that snow! (snow patrol?) yah, and give a heart!

the pressure of the first post.

2010-02-09T20:44:00.000-08:00

first post. first split-pea soup. simple enough, right? this is very important. ben was craving this pretty green concoction so i attempted my first-ever batch with this. though altered. doubled the spices. added four-and-a-half cups of water. no barley. used quinoa. cooked for only two hours. served with freshly-ground pepper and toasted pitas. definitely a make-again. it better be. it made seventy-seven quarts.